Here are just a few messages extricated from a mysterious wax stoppered bottle found floating by the Delta King marked “Happy 70th Birthday Greetings Elizabeth!”
Though the senders weren’t officially invited to the festivities, they apparently felt a connection to the birthday girl and needed to let her know they were thinking of her on her special day.
Some may bring a smile to your face while others may have you guffawing in the aisles. Either way…Enjoy!
I enjoyed seeing you at my inauguration last year. Of course, I may have mistaken you for my mother or my Vice President – I can’t be certain. But Since I am The Decider, I say it was you and wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!
– President George W. Bush – 2001
To help you celebrate your birthday, we are sending you a 6-month supply of T-Bone steaks. Since it is estimated that only 22% of beef has been tainted by Mad Cow Disease, we think you’ll be o.k. Enjoy!
– U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Ann Veneman – 2001
I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye, but that’s probably because I’m taller than you. However, it’s comforting to know that we are on the same side of the issues like a woman’s right to control her own body, separation of church and state, limits on executive power, and the removal of the corrupt inhabitant of the White House. Right? Well, I nevertheless wish you a very Happy Birthday!
– Illinois State Senator, Barack Obama – 2001
To celebrate your special day, I would like to invite you to go hunting with me. My psychic says that I will soon shoot someone in the face, so please wear some form of protection. Just in case, I’ll try to aim low.
– Vice President Dick Cheney – 2001
I would like to feature you in my new ‘O’ Magazine, and an appearance on my show. Your daughter said you are a marvelous singer and an amazing dancer and the world awaits! Happy Birthday!
– Oprah Winfrey – 2001
In honor of your birthday, we will be happy to blow up the target of your choice. If you decline, we wish you an eternity of capitalist oppression. Choose wisely.
– Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri – 2001
